I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
