So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Ketchup is God's man juice
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize