I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
