East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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