Tell her she can't have a vagina
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
