I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I got inside last night via doggy door
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
