I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
