i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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