it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
