Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You are a genius and a whore.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize