Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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