I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
