He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
