so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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