Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
