You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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