She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
