I think my vagina is haunted
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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