Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize