3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
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That reminds me...we need to get swords
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
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I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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