I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
