if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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