Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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