Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
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Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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