I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
