Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
