I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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