Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
