i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
