i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
