I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
