Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize