I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
