Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
