mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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