my phone needs a breathalizer
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
