I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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