What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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