I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
