ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
