Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
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We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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