think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
