i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
