Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
