i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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