Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
