I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
