i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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