I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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