he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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