I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
