If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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