can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
