Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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