he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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