My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
