Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
