Non-Jews are for practice
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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