Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
