booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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