It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
