Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
