I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
