be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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