Buhtt sex?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
