Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Life is so much better after having sex.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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