Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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