i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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