I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
