I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
