there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
