Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
