Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
