woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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