yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
